Mom wrote back: "Ok!! This is great news! YES! We are on our way to a family reunion and I am going to fly down to Lake Crystal on this news!
I hope Okinawa looks as pretty as our yard these days.
Remember to get your paper work in for your leave right away! I can't wait.
I love you, we love you! Grandma, Kathy, Meg, Chris and all are going to be so excited, too!"
Today Ryan wrote:
"Hi Mom.
I just got my Internet hooked up, it feels really good to be back online. I am adjusting slowly but I am adjusting. I don't know how Gordon does it, all that intensity for all those years and than coming back. I find myself getting irritated very easily. It is good that I have nine other guys to vent with. Don't get me wrong I am really happy to be back, its just that people bug me and it is SOOO darn quiet.
I had sushi yesterday and it was great. I had so much that I could hardly walk. :) I am keeping steady at the gym and will begin running in the mornings. I did not keep up with that after I switched to nights. the burn pit was just so awful. they burned everything in that landfill, from trucks to stuff you don't even want to know about. We worked and lived in that smoke for four months. It is now in my permanent medical file.
I love you
Ryan"
Mom wrote:
"smoke for 4 mos? Glad you live in the land of seaweed! Eat Nori and other seaweeds as often as you can, with Vit. C supplementation and a good fiber to cleanse the colon. (The liver, colon, lungs, lymph system, and skin are the body's cleansers. Nourish those.) If you lungs hurt, mullien herb, oral or smoked, heals the lungs well. We can get some along the creek for you when you are here.
Hmm. Go to the post office and see if anything is waiting for you...
Something should be there to brighten one minute of your day.
I have some ideas about stress. I work with people who have stress reactions and we work on reframing life for them. As well as having had to overcome post traumatic stress symptoms of my own before you were born and into the years you were young. (One of the reasons I don't think women should be in combat or near combat before and during parenting. Its hell on the fathers, why make it hell on both parents to make it equal? Can't we swing the other way and help men to be buffered and healed from hell?) I hope it is ok to share this with you. If you aren't in the mood for it now, just archive it.
Coming from such stress makes a person's reaction to people who are not in that matching stress level seem irrelevant. You have been used to "smelling" stress hormones on your coworkers and now that you don't you must feel that the people without that smell are weak, irritating and clueless. That is the protective nature of stress hormones pumping through your body. They say stay alert, look for trouble, ignore peaceful plant eaters, and search for antagonists. The problem can be that when you aren't in constant danger anymore the adrenaline habit makes peaceful situations seem dangerous and you see them through the stress chemical filter.
One Sargent tells the story of going into Home Depot to buy some home repair items, when he was back in Minnesota, and a young clerk comes up to him and asks him if he needs help. But the clerk was too close, stood in the aisle so that the Sargent felt blocked and responded with rules of engagement and the next thing he knows is that he has just disabled the clerk. Whoops. Good reflexes, wrong setting.
Keep checking in with your self about where you are and that you are in the present time and place and no longer surrounded by combat.
Again, seaweed will help regulate that, as well as running and good nutrition. Be thoughtful of how hormones work and realize that you have been at warrior speed for four months. A good massage, swim, run, etc. for about that same amount of time will regulate your brain chemicals.
Get some classical music and think about whether you really want to keep pumped up with blasting music and fight videos. Sometimes that stuff will feel like relief because it will match your energy. Like raw steak on a wound. But it doesn't heal the wound. At first the classical music may seem irritating, so don't put it on till after a run or swim for the first couple times. In other words, put it on when you have fewer stress hormones and then breathe it in to relax your body a little bit more. You will have to get over the initial irritation and then as you breathe deeper you will feel the power of Beethoven or Mozart or Bach. I like Sibelius, too. And John Williams!
I am back to laughing about the clinic. Thank you for being my son. I love you and that story makes me very, very happy. I am giggling and enjoying the family gumption as seen in you!
I talked to my old friend Nickie Kerrigan who read "your" blog and she loved your description of the rain in Balad and thought, "Why, Ryan is a writer!!"
Aunt Betty Norman didn't even know you were in Balad (sorry!) and she was so surprised to hear you were coming back. She is so proud of you. Sheryl and Harland, too. They invited you down, if you want to take a drive through southern MN. We went down for Sheryl's daughter Lindsey's wedding reception to Mike last weekend. Lindsey is a USAF officer in England. They have a baby now so Lindsey is "separating" from the AF in September to avoid being sent to Iraq. Of course, I approve of mothers staying with their babies. Mike is a fine guy, a Welshman in England who sells computer software. Great accent. The drive down was beautiful.
I love you, hon. I knew you would leave Iraq. Now stay safe, especially flying in the air and swimming in the water. I love you. Did I say that before? :)
Love, Mom
